Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Weather Forecast

Your meek and unassuming Pedant-General lives by many maxims. This
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
being one of them. unfortunately, I have broken this in that I am indebted to the inestimable and grammatically unimpeachable Nosemonkey who has deigned to visit and comment upon this humble blog. He says that it is
Good stuff - witty and in character throughout, so have a gander.
Wow! That is high praise from such a noted giant of the blogosphere.

He is perceptive, in that he suspects that your Pedant-General
... may or may not himself have connections to a certain region of Scotland ...
which, in this instance, is correct.

Thus, my thoughts fall this great and ancient capital city, and to the forthcoming entertainment to be visited upon it.

Never let it be said that your egalitarian and meritocratic Pedant-General does not cater for all sections of society. It is well known that those of us who are of a, pinko howling lunatic errmm... thieving marxist more left-wing
persuasion have a distinct fondness for the most pedantic form of textual deconstruction and are therefore regular visitors to this site.

With this in mind, and as an aid to the "class struggle", I thought such readers might appreciate a weather forecast, so that they pack their charabangs charabancs - hat tip: Mr Seat - accordingly and come prepared.

I have an inside track here as, moving in the circles that one does, I am personally acquainted with the Director General of Her Majesty's Meteorological Office. Following a short telephone conversation yesterday, he has kindly furnished me with a forecast for the Edinburgh area, with specific regard to the vicinity of Princes St. This is reproduced below.



Nothing out of the ordinary really, for those of us who are used to the unpredictable nature of the weather up here:

Monday
We expect a light gamma radiation spike, possibly as a result of a meltdown at Torness on Monday, which may raise the ambient temperature to an uncomfortable level during the day. I understand that the Lothian and Borders Police will be on hand to cool down passers-by with their handy portable water-cannons. A light cloud cover (of CS Gas) will reduce visibility, mostly at ground level.

However, this should pass quickly into a nuclear winter overnight.

Tuesday
Hailstones. As big as your fist. Tin foil hat probably won't be enough.

Wednesday
A meteor shower. Impact craters expected to swallow buses whole. It would be inadvisable to be outside. Or in Edinburgh at all really. See above.

Thursday
A warm front of poisonous frogs expected 1000hrs, to continue into the evening.

Friday
Overcast. Trains expected to be delayed.

Actually, this isn't entirely true. But there will be a plague of locusts.


10 comments:

dearieme said...

"Her Majesty's", perhaps?

The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

Ahem.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

[whistles nonchalantly, and hopes no-one notices the stealth edit]

Arthur said...

...and it is Charabanc I think, from the French for Citroen with benches...

Nosemonkey said...

"noted giant of the blogosphere"? Since when, why was I not informed and from where can I collect the cheque?

The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

Nosemonkey,

I wasn't aware that the position was paid. Let me know if you find someone with some cash to dish out.

Nice to have you on board. Not like this other lot who seem only to want to correct my spelling...

David Farrer said...

God is indeed a Scotsman.

Thersites said...

What fun it would be to see clouds of CS gas waft slowly towards Gleneagles...

The Bagged Bear said...

I'm sure they wouldn't be overly concerned by clouds of CS gas. It's more the horrific danger of soap and plenty of hot water being available that will send many of them heading to the Ochils.

Katie said...

NM:

It's like being a royal archer. I think you get a hat and tea with the queen.

The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

Katie,

I shall have to consult my thick volumes on precedence to see which of a) a member of the Royal Company of Archers and b) a soit disant "noted giant of the blogosphere" would get to sit closer to the Ambassador at a reception. Perhaps Mr Seat will be able to help - he usually knows about these things.

On the topic of this particular post, I do know that there a fair few burghers of the New Town who are chuffed to bits to have a bow and quiver of arrows handy with which to defend their properties.

But on a more pedantic note [looks wistful and sighs...] I believe that a member of HM's ceremonial bodyguard in Scotland is termed merely "an archer".

Worse than that, you have to pay for the hat yourself.

PG