Monday, March 27, 2006

House Rules


As the material for these humble pages originates in Scotland, I must ask all Patrons to respect tolerate the latest addition to the House Rules.

I think that, given that this blog is - without doubt - a public institution, it clearly falls within the scope of this new legislation, so please extinguish cigarettes whilst reading. Mr Connell has, curiously, failed to inform me as to your rights, should you be reading this outdoors on your snazzy 3G mobile or somesuch.

As for this piece of abject lunacy at our expense, words fail me. Who is going to pay for these "gold awards"? Precisely how much more than exactly jack-sh*t will they be worth?

All I can say (that bit about words failing me was, perhaps, wide of the mark) is that your sweet-smelling Pedant-General, whose fingertips bear nary a stain, would merit only a silver award. For this I blame Mr Seat: He brought an extremely nice box of cigars to help usher in the New Year. As one might expect from a man as well travelled and even better read, he also brought with them a little anecdote.

He recounted that he had attended a very nice dinner with the departing US Ambassador to HMG, who had previously been someone rather important at the CIA, where a guest remarked on the fine quality of the Cuban cigars then making their way round the table. Cheekily, perhaps impertinently even, the guest enquired whether there was anything we ought to know about the US trade embargo against Cuba. The ambassador took an expansive puff, exhaled and declared to the room:
The first thing I taught my men was: "Gentlemen. Burn your enemy's crops"

3 comments:

The Blind-Winger Jones said...

Puffer Pinkney The Human Chimney could never have imagined this would ever come to pass...

Soupdragon said...

I read that as: "The first thing I taught my men was: "Gentlemen. Burn your enemy's corpse."

Still a good post though. Although I'm sorry, I failed to put mine out until I'd stopped laffing...

The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

Your post or your big fat cuban cigar?

I saw you as more of an "extravagant cigarette-holder" sort of a girl.....