Thursday, September 07, 2006

Three things - there should always be three things

As discussed before my much needed break, DK has tigged me and, as I haven't responded to one of these things for a while and I heartily concur with the idea that there should always be three things , I shall oblige.
  1. Things that scare me
    • School Fees
    • Horror Movies
    • Timid women driving small cars who seem entirely unable to pull out when passing me on my bicycle

        • People who make me laugh

        • Things I hate the most
          • Sanctimonious lefties who seem to think that individuals will be happier if you remove from them (forcibly) all hope of advancement.
          • the taste of paracetamol, even the small traces of it in things like lemsip
          • Chewing gum, and the people who chew then casually discard it on a pavement, where it gets stuck to your shoe, or (worse) on a bus or train seat where it ruins your suit.

              • Things I don't understand
                • travel insurance policies
                • Partial Differentials - came jolly close to stuffing up my degree over this
                • gmail's autoformat guessing algorithm
              • Things I'm doing right now
                • going to get my teeth scraped by a dentist
                • thinking how to celebrate my wedding anniversary
                • Bragging about my Tuscan holiday

                    • Things I want to do before I die
                      • Bag all the Monroes
                      • Run a marathon or, worse still, a trialthon
                      • Earn enough to have a properly reckless and adventurous retirement whilst I have sufficient life remaining to do so. Or win the lottery and go and teach physics or maths somewhere

                          • Things I can do
                            • The cube. Not very quickly (like about 2 mins), but I can still do it.
                            • Swallow with my mouth open - legacy of a great deal of painful orthodontic work as a teenager. Try it: it's not easy at first.
                            • put both my legs over my shoulders. (Well, I used to be able to do this - I haven't - dared - try for a while)

                                • Ways to describe my personality
                                  • One of those "irregular verbs": I have an independent mind. You are an eccentric. He is round the twist.
                                  • "actually, all things considered, really a very nice chap" , despite my many attempts to disguise it.
                                  • In all, I can't do better than the summary that Platoon Commander at RMAS gave me. He suggested that the box in which I ought to be delivered to my Company Commander should be labelled with a strong warning:
                                    "Give this man a crystal clear 'left and right of arc', tell exactly what will happen to him if he strays one inch outside either and then for God's sake don't watch what happens inside them."
                                    UPDATE: It turns out that I can in fact do better: "Educated and Erudite". I'll buy that, perform a proper low-bowing curly doffing of the Mess-Undress P-G Peacock Feather hat and dispatch marching bands in the direction of James, noting that he ought to keep his pecker up and stick with it. His contribution is worthwhile and much appreciated in the grace-and-favour appartment. (See new link in blogroll as proof)

                                • Things I can't do
                                  • Sales
                                  • Write "thank you" notes within a reasonably polite time frame
                                  • Listen to more than one thing at a time. If I am watching the telly or listening to the radio, I physically cannot hear other people talking (not to me at least anyway)

                                • Things I think you should listen to
                                  • Your gut instinct
                                  • Your kids. They tell you all kinds of stuff.
                                  • The sort of silence that you rarely get the chance to experience these days, except in remote rural areas. Absolutely still early mornings at the top of a decent Alpine sky resort for example - the snow deadens sounds rather well - or a good patch of Highland grouse moor (without the shooting, or the expletives of the gamekeeper).

                                • Things you should never listen to
                                  • the grating sound made by pieces of raw pottery rubbing together.
                                  • The Today programme if you are already in a bad mood and a hurry.
                                  • anyone who tells you that he/she is the sole authority on a given topic, that you should discard and ignore anyone and everyone else no matter how much such persons appear to be talking complete shite and no matter how much such others (whom you are implored to ignore) appear to you to be being entirely reasonable. This lady springs to mind as an apposite example.

                                • Things I'd like to learn
                                  • to play the piano, or just about any musical instrument
                                  • to speak a foreign language really properly fluently
                                  • to fly an aeroplane or a helicopter (or both)

                                      • Favourite foods

                                            • Beverages I drink regularly
                                              • Decent French red wine, usually either Bordeau or Burgundy
                                              • Coffee - far too much coffee
                                              • Hot Ribena

                                                  • Shows I watched as a kid
                                                    • The Dukes of Hazard
                                                    • Captain Pugwash
                                                    • Tomorrow's World

                                                        • People I'm tagging (to do this meme)

                                                        6 comments:

                                                        james higham said...

                                                        Given the upstanding individual in the photo I was kindly supplied with, this statement has the mind boggling:

                                                        ...put both my legs over my shoulders. (Well, I used to be able to do this - I haven't - dared - try for a while)...

                                                        I suspect people would pay good money to see a demonstration of the above from your good self.

                                                        Also, please get rif of the intensely annoying word verification forthwith. Word verification indeed - seven metamorphosing letters twisting one's brain into contorted apoplexy.

                                                        The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

                                                        James,

                                                        If ever I am short of cash, I shall remember your advice and set up a freak show.

                                                        ;-)

                                                        As for the word verification, is your vocabulary that limited? Do you really expect us to believe that a man of your superlative intellect does not know the meaning of the word "ectck"?

                                                        [For our American cousins whose grasp of our great language we all know to sadly limited, this is a mildly onomatopoeic word derived from Cornish, meaning "The irritation felt when your parrot has, accidently, swallowed its cuttlefish". Usage: "I suffered the most awful ectck, and right in front of the Bishop too. Damn that Parrot." ]

                                                        Reactionary Snob said...

                                                        Thank you for your contribution P-G on my page.

                                                        I, perhaps, agree that 'we' should let them disembowel themselves in front of the nation... it just pains me to think that we could be making merry at their expense.

                                                        Kind regards,

                                                        RS

                                                        dearieme said...

                                                        "usually either Bordeau or Burgundy": three things, please - that's only two (or one if you argue that 'Bordeau' doesn't actually exist).

                                                        The Pedant-General in Ordinary said...

                                                        dearieme

                                                        ??? What about the coffee and hot Ribena?

                                                        We all know that coffee, in particular, is a "beverage" as it appeared in BR announcements of the "selection of hot and cold beverages" as half of the mythical "teacoffee".

                                                        "qjrfwgvn": Small railway station in Wales, on the branch line between Llantisilly and Merioneth. I grant you that this is obscure.

                                                        Mr Free Market said...

                                                        School Fees ... aaarrrrggggghhhhhh - dont even go there!