Friday, June 10, 2005

A Manifesto

Whilst much of the origins of the appointment process for the post of Pedant-General in Ordinary are lost in the mists of time (and even those bits that are not remain cloaked in secrecy of the highest order), we can say with certainty that candidates do not have to suffer the ignominy of popular election. I shall pass, lightly, over the ignominy that candidates do have to suffer.

However, I understand that it is customary in fora of this sort to "set out one’s stall" and to this end, I publish here a manifesto. This, I might add, is not an exhaustive set of policies. But then, we might reasonably ask, is any manifesto? At least you may be confident that I will stick to this.


Flogging Offences
  • Use of the Grocer's Apostrophe;
  • Making any of these basic logical errors;
  • Starting paragraphs in a newspaper article with the word "And". Especially if you are a politician;
  • Blaming the weapon, rather than the person wielding it;
  • Driving in the middle lane of a busy motorway without good cause;
  • Advocating Socialism as a means for organising the relationships between communities larger than a small farm;
  • Confusing correlation with causation;
Flogging Offences. Such flogging to be administered on the steps of the perpetrator's club
This is separate category of crime, where it is important that a visible example is set.
  • Advocating Socialism for communities larger than a small farm, when one is in a position of power;
  • Advocating Creationism when one ought to know better;
  • Inviting, on live television, an evidently distressed relative to advocate a ban on whatever it was that killed the recently deceased person in question;
  • Confusing "equality of outcome" with "equality of opportunity".
Hanging Offences.
Let's not beat about the bush: We have to make a stand and stop this dangerous nonsense.
  • Preferring "equality of outcome" over "equality of opportunity";
  • Advocating Creationism when one is in charge of educational policy or children or both;
  • Moral Equivalence;
  • Unwarranted use of the split infinitive.
Vote for me!

Otherwise someone else might be elected.
And that would be very bad.

3 comments:

Thersites said...

May I bring humbly the Pedant-General in Ordinary's attention to this piece of what might be called HTML pedantry? The section entitled ‘Newspapers of (broken) record’ merits his esteemed consideration.

I remain, Sir, your humble servant,

The Weasel Bearder said...

Might I add, as a candidate for flogging, those who fail to use the subjunctive mood when necessary; such flogging to be administered on the steps of the perpetrator's club where it is important that a visible example be set.

MatGB said...

Hmm; the interpid software site gives me 404s on everything. Shame.

However, I have one query...
Advocating Socialism for communities larger than a small farm, when one is in a position of power
What about John Lewis/Waitrose? That's a socialist organisation, works quite well.

Thx for the link back here, wasn't reading you back then.