Snail Mail!

I know, we techno-types have been calling it snail mail for decades. Why send a letter when email is so much faster?

But it's actually true, incertain circumstances, that a snail could in fact deliver the letter faster than the actual mail service:

An IT worker, after receiving a letter on January 3 that was sent on December 20 as priority mail, calculated that a snail would have made it even faster to his home than the letter.

Daily Gazeta Wyborcza said Michal Szybalski calculated that it took 294 hours for the letter to arrive at his home. He also said the distance between his home and the sender was 11.1 kilometers.

Given the distance and the time, the speed of the letter was 0.03775 kilometers per hour. Szybalski calculated that a garden snail travels at around 0.048 kilometers per hour.

Now all we've got to do is work out how to get a uniform and a mail bag onto the little critters....

Oh, and stop them eating the glue off the stamps.